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"New York Times" special correspondent Elizabeth Weir and Dan recognized writer and surfer for 11 years, married for nine years, job stability, the mortgage has been repaid, the girls grew up, the marriage has lost its passion, both sides seem increasingly defects more difficult to tolerate. Can make this marriage to regain the passion it? After conducting the experiment period, the couple found that their marital quality has made considerable improvements. Elizabeth. Vail put this experience into a book "No Cheating, No Dying",nike air jordan soldes, forthcoming. Recently, Elizabeth. Vail accepted the "Bund" interview, talked about the difficult marriage after the couple spend the time. She said, "good marriage that can allow the growth of the two sides, and give them the ability and courage to face the world."
Text / Lu Yan Liu Luo (internship)
In an interview with the "Bund" interview,http://www.jiaoyoula.cn/home.php?mod=space&uid=4691, American writer, "New York Times" special correspondent Elizabeth. Vail straight to the point: "My marriage is quite good, but I think could be improved, because my husband had a lot of acts Let me physically and mentally exhausted cite a simple example: Last spring, he was in the basement fiddle with a cutter to a Frozen pig cut into small pieces, put into small jars to store, of course,vendita hogan, I also have many places to make him crazy for example, I hate French kissing;.. often reject the proposal without thinking of Dan; Dan midnight when I will vomit pretending to sleep. But I think Dan Worse than I remember when we hold family gatherings in Maine Country House,hogan scontate, he had threatened to severely beat my brother meal. Nevertheless, our marriage is still very good overall of. "
So, what prompted Elizabeth couple for their "good overall condition," a marriage made to improve the experiment it?
His mind
One night, Elizabeth lying in bed, suddenly had an idea: to improve her and Dan's marriage.
Elizabeth told the "Bund" reporters, marriage, whether it is work, socialize, exercise is extremely troublesome children, she is responsible due diligence. The same is true husband,air max requin, Dan, and actively learn a variety of new skills,piumino moncler outlet, I do not know too tired, "just like asking for trouble." In nine years of marriage, Dan put himself into a skilled carpenter, good cook, tireless athlete. Now he is reading a training manual loading of the former Soviet Union, hoping to exercise 41-year-old body into a burly teenager physique.
Sadly, Dan thought his various initiatives to improve the marriage of medicine, who knows Elizabeth who "is not flattering." Despite these efforts, the intimate relationship between the couple disappeared.
Elizabeth said: "Why do we live so passive in the end we are afraid of losing what I want to know why??."
That night, Elizabeth put her idea to Dan: "My opening statement is this: Our marriage is like the waves, the sea was under undercurrent determines the shape and direction." Gasped, looked at each other look Elizabeth then said: "Do you remember, I had just moved to San Francisco in the third day met you you still remember what it was like when you were you are a surfer and writer, handsome extraordinary, full of.? Charm .11 years later, we have two kids, two jobs, a house. Is it really from the future, our lives become a backwater it? "
After some confided, the couple decided unanimously: The marriage relationship is still strong when it started to improve it. They also agreed that now is the time, otherwise this village is not the shop. Their two daughters, a 4-year-old, a 7-year-old, have no need day care; the couple's work has been on track,http://tuonela.s138.xrea.com/lightbbs/light.cgi?res=2342, broadly stable; the house is paid off the loan.
Elizabeth began to read a lot of books on psychology, found her thoughts belong to a common phenomenon. "Clinical Psychology" said general couples seeking marital therapy prior to the first time, has been almost six years of uncoordinated period.
Marital status quo
Dan on his wife's proposal expressed doubts. He cited a California saying: If you think the bush sex, it is best to be mentally prepared, because it will scare the snake hidden.
July 1, 2000, Elizabeth and Dan were married in California. Dan is 32 years old that year, 30-year-old Elizabeth. Both parents marriages lasted 40 years. Dan grew up in Berkeley,nike requin tn pas cher, California, his parents indulge in the romance between husband and wife, leading to Dan feel they have been ignored. When Dan in high school, girls do not want to talk to him, Dan asked his mother for advice, my mother said, Dan is so handsome that the girls are shy Debu dare he speak. And Elizabeth's parents raising three children in Massachusetts because of busy working, there is no opportunity to express intimate feelings between husband and wife.
After the wedding, the couple had considered issues that may arise between them should be the money and religious incompatibility (Elizabeth was a Jew, Dan is a Christian). Later life proved both is not an issue. They established a 21st century-style marriage partner: Dan and Elizabeth, in addition to being partners, lovers, parents and best friend of cooperation on economic, or other work of assistants, editors and first readers.
Tough start
A good marriage should be like? More interesting conversation? More intense sex?
Harry professor of psychology at the University of Rochester. Reese to present a variety of interpretations of marriage analogy in the "elephant": While everyone touch of elephants are correct, but no one knows in the end the whole elephant is like. Dan and Elizabeth eventually reach an agreement: firmly believe that through to try and explore, a better marriage and metrics will appear. They began cf. Havel. Dr. Hendricks authoritative work "get what you want love," began specifically to improve their marriage.
Elizabeth and Dan started the first project: Make a list that contains its own characteristics, which is characterized by "you want to get praised but the other partner has never had praised." Elizabeth told the "Bund", even though Dan has been very much looking forward to get her evaluation, but she is very good at making him praise.
The first step, complete the following sentence with as many ways: "When you ......, I felt loved and concern."
Dan quickly wrote: "take the initiative to kiss me; finishing kitchen; that I look very strong."
Psychologist Mike. Vincent. Miller in "Intimate Terrorism: Love's crisis of disillusionment" in the description of marriage sharply. He believes that marriage is "the most beautiful dream" mockery, because married life is full of flaws, "Who needs can be met in the brutal competition", "two people are trying to get to meet emotionally and psychologically, but but in the end only one person can be met. " Elizabeth and Dan found that they really put the other as a rival. "This feeling that we've got to get married soon after, in which to buy a house? How much is enough? Who will take care of the children, who go to the gym? With solve the problem, our relationship has become a little better. But the moment This competitive mindset was back among us. "Elizabeth recalled.
The second step, the memories of romantic moments during intercourse. Complete the following sentence: "When you ......,http://din-timelines.com/cgi-bin/forums/x-forum.cgi, I feel loved and being taken care of." Dan read: "'When we go out with a provocative expression staring at me,' you kidding me you did not go out to see? I look. In addition to the children, you are indifferent to all the other things ah. "
Elizabeth heard the remark, fall into the trough mood: "I have always thought, I have tried to not let themselves into love away from her husband to the children's mother, obviously I have not failed, but Dan husband and father of two roles. find a balance between, but his problem is just the opposite with me. He often ignored the child. "
Elizabeth suddenly realized a fact: Her favorite books on marriage, such as Calvin. Terui Lin "About Alice" and John. "Fantasy of the Year" ,http://www.amarilfranklin.com.br/index.php?option=com_blog&view=blog, where the reason for her marriage yearn, turned out to be because one of the parties has died.
Marriage school
There is a perception that American academia: the couple must learn to get better through marriage. Marriage education campaign sponsor small Bernardo. Gurney priest in "strengthening marriage" a book that the marriage relationship "similar to want to play tennis but do not know how to play puzzles experts provide treatment like tennis coach teaching students, even though time-consuming,http://www13.plala.or.jp/white_roots/gwbbs/gwbbs.cgi, but always have a good result. "
Elizabeth and Dan reported a training course,nike air max, this class need to spend 16 hours, called "Mastering the mysteries of love." Teaching students how to conduct "a skill dialogue" and similar skills, the purpose is to stop the "see who wins the war of words in the" war often occur. From the training content, the first by a person begins to describe his or her feelings,prezzi scarpe hogan, these feelings confirmed by another person,air max tn pas cher,http://www.com-corporation.co.jp/omaezaki/cgi-bin/bbs/light.cgi, and then repeat word for word.
Accompanied by soft background music, Elizabeth and Dan sat began their "skillful dialogue" on the sofa. Dan imitate Elizabeth's tone: "It makes me unbearable noise, you'd better keep quiet home." Elizabeth imitate Dan: "Food is a very important part of the family, is a source of health and happiness, allowing you to three times a day appreciate the lifestyle you want to pursue. "
The problem stems from a long-term couple quarrel Focus: household division of labor. After the first child born Hannah, Elizabeth and Dan almost every night repeating the same conversation: Do you want to cook or want children? Dan always choose to cook,air jordan pas cher, Elizabeth always choose children. 7 years later, Dan has become a "distinguished and squandered," the chef, the couple spent the money on food greatly exceed the budget. They eat very well. Refrigerator stuffed with seasonal food: homemade stains salmon fillets, organic milk, salted sardines, lettuce, lemon lobster sauce, mozzarella, goat cheese,http://www.auto-tsukamoto.com/hpgen/epad/epad.cgi, leek, garlic,scarpe hogan scontate online, Blue Bottle Coffee Company as well as eggs. Saturday night, Dan will be ready for Elizabeth dumpling salmon, truffle flavored polenta, Madeira white wine. Dan would like to take cooking escapism question, "What? I'm cooking!" Elizabeth had to go take care of starving, children and worried about the economy hoarse sources at home.
Style and the noise he made Dan Elizabeth cook so crazy, she has been hoping to have a complaint away from all the noisy sites. Dan also dissatisfied with his wife to fight back: secretly put the fried pig's ear salad, made strange for her to eat breakfast; children knocked over the flour jar, his indifference, at 6:45 am, when Muffins made with grapes and champagne.
Elizabeth knew Dan's love for cooking and OCD just to resolve his anxiety, trying to give him a bit nervous disorders order. If there is no way such a vent, Dan almost to collapse, and he crumbles would throw tantrums. Theoretically, Elizabeth respect his approach,air max requin pas cher, and even appreciate the energy transfer. But one in real life she must fight.
That afternoon, the couple communicate in such a blunt manner,http://ars.userfriendly.org/cartoons/post.cgi, this exercise seems to open a Pandora's box, the situation is getting very "unhappy." But whatever the outcome, they realized the war of words will only add to the pain. That night at home, they had the first "no dispute of the night," Elizabeth told Dan a story of her childhood, before the story she never mentioned it to him, because she was insecure.